I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I looked at my own cervix.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
