I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
