i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she looked like the before picture.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
