if you like me you must not know who I am
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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