I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
