Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
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