Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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