dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize
