I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
