dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Why are your pants in the freezer?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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