If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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