so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Rumble strips road head = magical
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
