you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
