My first STD was from a foam party
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
