i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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