Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
