my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
