I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
