who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
