Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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