Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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