It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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