Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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