I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
