She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
