New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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