So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
