i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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