Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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