Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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