Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
