Don't you send me to vm
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
so let's talk penis.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
