you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
