How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
