I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
