Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
