The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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