I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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