Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
