He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
