you turned your livingroom into a bong?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
