I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
