I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
