Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
