You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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