i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
