My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Randomize
