her vagine was all disorganized.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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