You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
