can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
