Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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