If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
