How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
