I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
