Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
