You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
