I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
