So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
